Two years ago today I was staring into your eyes and holding you for the first time. I’ll never forget it. Your father and I held each others hands and cried tears of joy from the deepest part of our hearts. We were so amazed by you.
There was so much I didn’t know then. I was so nervous. When you were born I realized how little I knew, but I was determined to give you the best, and to learn how to be the best mommy. I’m still learning. There are so many things I wouldn’t have discovered if it weren’t for you. You came to me at the perfect time. You’ve changed not only my life, but who I am forever.
Through nurturing and guiding you, I have learned so much about life and myself. Parenting makes a mother question everything, it challenges all of her beliefs, and in my case I came to believe many new things, about my self, about God, and about relationships- especially our relationship as mother and daughter.
Parenting you is not about “raising” you to be a certain way, parenting for me is about my relationship with you, it’s about helping you grow into the incredible woman I know you already are.
As the time goes by I get to see more and more of your personality. You melt my heart with how affectionate you are. I tend to be overly serious, but like your father you make me laugh everyday. Everywhere we go you make a stranger your friend. You are so stubborn, so determined, which at times can be difficult to deal with, but really it makes me proud, because I see a strong woman and a leader in you. I see a girl who knows what she wants and can stand up for herself. I take so much pride in who you are.
Years ago I had a dream of a little girl with dark hair named Laila, and she was surrounded by the color purple.
It was a different kind of dream. It was so vivd and I never forgot it. I believe God tells us things through dreams, and I believe for some reason, he chose to tell me about you.
The color purple is a combination of the calm associated with blue, and the strength associated with red. That is your personality exactly, calm, yet so strong . There is a verse on the bible that says, “Before I knit you together in your mothers womb, I knew you.” I believe God knew you, and showing you to me in that dream, surrounded by a color that so perfectly describes your personality, he let me knew you just a little bit, long before it was your time to be mine.
You are such a gift to me and your daddy. These past two years with you have been the best of my life. Just last night me and daddy were saying how all of our experiences pale in comparison to the experience of becoming your parents.
Before you were born, I had huge dreams of traveling, of going on adventures, of learning as many new things as I could. Those dreams are on hold now, but not because motherhood has taken away those dreams. My dreams are hold for just a short time, because I’m waiting to share them with you. Instead of telling you about trips I once took, you’ll be on those trips with me. I can’t wait to accomplish all of my dreams with you and watch as you create dreams of your own. I hope that you’ll share some of yours with me as well.
We were meant for each other. As my daughter, you are also my very best friend. This year we’ve shared so much, my pregnancy with your sister. Every day we would take our walks together, every afternoon we would watch Sofia the first and take a nap, and every night you slept with your hand on my belly (and it’s looking like every day post partum, you’ll be grabbing my stomach and yelling chubby). I think you knew before I did the day I went into labor, because you woke up all through the night to check on “baby” and kiss my belly. I had so much fun listening to your favorite songs and watching you dance while I packed my hospital bag.
It was an adjustment when Sabrina was born, a whole new world, but we got the hang of it together. You’re my best helper and I treasure you so much. It’s incredible how fast these two years have gone by.
Always know that you truly are my pride and joy, that I will always love you with the deepest kind of love. The memories I have of these past two years are some of my greatest possessions and I know that the memories we make in this next year will be just as precious.
Happy birthday Laila! You are my best reason to celebrate.